Run Free

Not too long ago I wrote about the pain of losing my beloved Donnagan, and that the pain was helped by adopting our pit mix, Sasha, who came from a bad home.  This past Thursday, we lost our beloved Sasha as well.  She had a very bad disc in her back that was causing her to not be able to walk.  She was in constant pain and by Wednesday, we knew it was time to say goodbye.

On Thursday, she was not anxious at all.  It's like she knew she would be out of pain soon.  As a matter of fact, I actually got some pictures of her smiling like she used to.  When our vet got there, she was calm and didn't move.  I held her and told her how much I loved and what a good girl she was. One final breath and she was gone.


I have to believe that she crossed over the Rainbow Bridge and that she's running free with Donnagan and all our other loved ones.  I have to believe that or I would not make it through the grief.  We didn't have Sasha for very long but, then, it didn't take long for her to steal our hearts.  She never asked for anything - just to be loved and a place to put her head.  And what a place she had.  Her favorite bed was our couch.  She had her pillow and blanket and she was happy there.

The last couple of weeks have been very stressful and filled with anger, drama and negativity.  My dogs have always been the one thing that brought joy to me, no matter what.  They never disappoint me, they never hurt me.  And to lose one now, while I'm going through a lot of emotional anguish is about more than I can bear.  But I know that she's free of pain and that I have four others at home to take care of.  Thank goodness.  Without them, I don't know what I would have to live for.

It dawns on me that the reason that I am in so much pain over losing one of my pets is because, if I am totally honest with myself, the people around me that are supposed to love me, have done nothing but disappoint me and betray me over and over again these last few weeks.  Which makes me want to be with my dogs even more.  They don't don't betray me, ever, and losing another one so soon has left a big gaping hole in my heart that I don't know will ever heal.  I guess I truly am living for my pets. Because there's not a single person that I'm living for.  There's too much pain involved in loving another person.  Too much possibility of being hurt and betrayed and I've been through that too many times now.