Going from 2010 to 2011

2010 just wasn't a great year for me.  I gave up a 13 year career for very good reasons.  I have a bad habit of trusting people, even after they've proven themselves not to be trustworthy.  This has been a bone of contention between myself and my husband for many years.  He's naturally distrusting of anyone and once you've screwed him over, forget it.  There's no going back.  Me, I like to believe the best in people and think that they're the same way.  Inevitable, this leads to heartbreak.  In 2010, it also led to an end of a professional career that I truly loved.  But it was harming me more than it was doing me good, so eventually, I let it go.

The decline continued.  People I thought were life long friends dropped off the face of the earth and to this day, I haven't heard from many of them.  The good thing form that is now I know who my true friends are and I've learned a valuable lesson on what is important.

I started a new career shortly thereafter, but from the beginning, I knew that it would not last.  Some things are not meant to be.  The end, though, came very unexpectedly, in a very cold and brutal way.  I lost someone so very dear to me in the same week.  The hits have kept coming, since.  A car accident, surgery and illness - they have all hit my loved ones.

One highlight this year was a trip to Germany to see my family and my roots.  It seems that the older I get, the more important my beginning is to me.  I truly enjoyed seeing family and all the places that meant so much to me when I was young.  The only regret I have is that I didn't have more time to revisit old haunts.

Another highlight was the purchase of our RV in January.  Every time we go out and stay, it's like a magical place.  All the stress and tensions go away and I truly relax.  It was on one of those trips that I came to terms with my professional decisions and made peace with my new life.  I am eager to be able to retire and travel this country on a fulltime basis.

In another blog post, I wrote about my newfound joy in volunteering at the local animal shelter.  It is such a wonderful feeling to do good and know that you're making a difference.  These animals have noone to help them, but us.  At times, I get overwhelmed at all the needs, but all I do is look at my mom's Alex and know that every little bit helps.  As long as I remember that I can't help everyone, I do ok.

So what do I wish for 2011?  The obvious answer is a job.  But I'm being a little more selective.  I don't want to go back to fundraising.  It's too difficult a life and the toll it takes on your soul is too much.  I'm ready for a change.  To what, I don't know.  I would love to work in the animal field. but in this economy, that may not be possible.  Either way, I'm trying not to be afraid of what the future holds.

I also want peace in my life.  I want to learn to be happier in my moments.  I have said it many times, but I truly want to savor the precious moments in my life and not squander them.  I don't want to look back later in my life and have regrets over all the things I didn't do or didn't say.  I want to take the time to spend with my loved ones.  They will not always be here and I want to appreciate every moment with them.  They have been there for me in good times and bad, and in times when I've pushed them to the side because I was too busy.  I don't want to be too busy.

I want to learn to be grateful for what I have instead of worrying about what I don't have.  I want to learn to be happy with my life.  In the non-profit world you are always reaching for lofty goals and can never be happy with what you have.  This has spilled over in my personal life and a tradition I want to get rid of.

I know that I will stumble in my progress.  As life happens, I'll forget my promises to myself.  I hope that my family and friends will stop me during those times and remind me of what is important in life.  I never want to forget again.