Spending My Tyme: Holiday stressors

It seems that this time of year, I hear two differing points of view, sometimes from the same person. There is excitement about the upcoming holiday season and all the joy it brings. Then comes the groan of upcoming stress and the busyness that doesn't allow anyone time to enjoy the holiday.

For many years, I made the holiday season a stressful one for myself and my family and it usually ended with someone mad at someone else. The end result was that we hated the holiday season for too long. Why? Because I felt that I had to live up to someone's expectations of what the holidays were all about. I had to have the perfect tree - 9 feet, I had to have the perfect decorations, the perfect meal, the perfect gifts, you get the idea.

What really happened was that setting up such a tree took two days and was physically and emotionally draining. The stress of setting everything up perfectly took its toll and eventually all we heard was the yelling at each other.

The perfect Christmas dinner? Yeah, right. The reality was me, killing myself in the kitchen, angry at the rest of the family for not helping me. By the time we sat down to dinner, noone was speaking to each other.

I don't even want to talk about the shopping and the gut wrenching search for perfect gifts for everyone. The crowded stores, the noise and the credit card bills after the New Year were enough to turn anyone into the Grinch.

My solution was to boycott the season for several years, choosing to leave town during Christmas and not having to deal with it at all. Not the best solution.

Several years ago, I purchased a small table top tree and half heartedly tried to get my Christmas spirit back. Not a chance. I was still more bah humbug than ho ho ho. I still avoided Christmas gatherings with my family because I didn't want to pretend to like someone for one day when I didn't the other 364 days.

This year, everything has changed. I now have a three month old granddaughter, great in-laws, and a fervent wish to enjoy her first Christmas with us. After all, it was last Christmas when we found out she was coming. So, how do I balance my new found holiday spirit with the realities of my physical health and fears of too high expectations?

I'm doing it the same way I live the rest of my life...by pacing myself and not setting my goals too high. I will still only have my little tree, but I'm adding a couple of very special ornaments. I'm foregoing a home made Thanksgiving dinner to concentrate on Christmas Eve dinner. With the help of other family members, we're changing the menu somewhat. I'm adding healthier selections and recipes that can be made ahead of time. This way, I can start a couple of days earlier and still be able to rest in between and not kill myself. After all, it's about who's around the table, not what's on the table.

As for shopping, it is very limited. What shopping I have done has been online. The gifts are personal and thoughtful. And to avoid stress and sensory overload, I plan to avoid all stores except grocery stores between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Amazon is my friend. My gifts include pictures in a frame and gifts I've already purchased. Anything I've not done yet will comprise of a gift card.

I am also limiting my holiday events to two. I'm going to our Courthouse Christmas and our DAV dinner. That's it, other than our Christmas Eve dinner. Everything else has gotten a polite but firm no. I know what my body can handle and especially with the cold weather, I need to rest more. The most important event to me is our Christmas dinner and I plan any activities around that. If it seems too much, it probably is and I won't do it.

I'm looking forward to spending Christmas with my family, old and new. I'm looking forward to sitting at the table and laughing over the fact that I've burned the rolls yet again. Oh well. I'm looking forward to bringing my camera and making memories of our new lives with our new family members. Those are the things that are important to me. Anything else is extraneous and possibly unnecessary.

This is how I manage the holidays and ensure that I enjoy them. I said the other day that if I need a Christmas planner, then I've planned too much at Christmas. The KISS method works best. Keep it simple. Me favorite childhood memories don't revolve around a toy or gift. They revolve around the memories I have with my family.