Goodbye 2013

Well, it's New Year's Eve, 2013 and I don't think I've ever been so happy to bid adieu before.  2013 was probably the worst year I've ever lived through, that I can think of.

My Fibromyalgia got progressively worse, until I was forced to give up my business that I loved.  Staying home every day, in pain, and missing my dogs, was almost more than I could bear.  I got no support from my doctors at that time.  I sunk further and further into a depression until there was little of me left.  I spent three months, either in bed, or laying on the couch, doing nothing.  I spoke to noone and went nowhere.

During this time, I also started having flashbacks to a very traumatic incident that happened while I was deployed in Operation Desert Storm.  Although it was 23 years ago, it seemed like yesterday to me.  Coincidentally, it happened on New Year's Eve.

During this time, we also lost three of our furkids.  My Donnagan, Sasha, and most recently, Brenna. These losses and the excruciating pain nearly cost me my sanity.

I finally hit rock bottom, and was lucky enough to have a team there to pull me back up.  Hubby convinced me to go to the VA for treatment and that changed my life.  I got support, medication and the feeling that someone cared.  I also got a great therapist who is still changing my life today.  My true friends showed their steadfast colors, making me appreciate them even more.  My family and I came to new understandings and a closeness we've never had.

My five dogs challenge me every day and keep me on my feet.  It's like having five toddlers at home, sometimes.  But I wouldn't change it for the world.  I love each and every one of them.  Quincey, Sage, Oscar, Silly and Chacho.  They are my reason for getting up in the morning.

So what have I learned this year?  I've learned that it's easy to become comfortable in our way of life and that it can be snatched away in a second. I've learned compassion for others, as well as patience, something I was short on before.  I've become humble and I've also learned kindness, whether it's a smile for the cashier or letting someone in line in front of me.

I've learned to slow down and enjoy each day that I've been given.  I no longer rush around, not paying attention to the life in front of me.  Even my driving has slowed down! 

I had dreaded turning 50 and it became a milestone in more than one way.  I truly celebrated it with a weekend away with close friends.  I also used a scooter, at Dollywood, for the first time and celebrated the freedom of it, rather than the restriction.  I've learned to appreciate my cane, rather than resent having to use it.  It's saved me from countless concussions.

I've learned to cook.  And I've learned to throw a party after I scrubbed the bathroom from top to bottom.  Yes, I've learned to celebrate little achievements rather than mourn my losses.  I can't work at a job anymore, but I can cook my husband a good meal.  I can spend time with my family and friends.  I can finally clean out those closets I've been looking at for ten years.

I may not have the prestige of a big job anymore, but I have the love of family and good friends.  I pay my blessings forward in small, but effective ways.  I have become more involved in veterans affairs, as well as other people suffering from chronic pain diseases. I can't do that much physical outreach, but I can touch people on social media and by phone.  On my lowest days, I get on Facebook and find someone who needs help.  In minutes, I feel better.

I'm learning mindfulness.  The art of being in the moment.  My life is not what I had planned, but I'm still here and for that I'm grateful.

As for what 2014 holds, it's a wonderful mystery.  I have no idea what my future holds, but I will face it with a smile and a positive attitude.  After all, I did wake up this morning.



A happy and blessed New Years to you all.